So, I’m now about halfway through this experiment and it has gotten more interesting. The first week it seemed way easier than I had originally anticipated to give up doing full body stare downs in the mirror.
It was week two that was a little bit more of a challenge. My goal was to begin letting go of that eternal fat that I saw in the mirror and move toward a new image. The curiosity almost got the best of me a couple of times to do a quick glance or look closer into a reflection of a glass door as a passed. I stopped myself, however, because I really am curious as to how this experiment will pan out. So, I’ve let go of the fat I saw each day and have spent the past several days to pushing out the thought entirely. I don’t want any old image stuck in the recesses of my brain to pop up for the rest of this time.
Now that I’m more or less a mental blank slate for my body, every day until 9/15 I’m going to be taking one minute at some point during the day to meditate on what I’d like to see when I look again. That’s everything from the first reaction and onto the number I’d like to see on the scale when I weigh again. In that moment, I want to focus on how I feel, how I imagine my body would feel at that size, the excitement of a smaller number on the scale, the happiness from having more gratitude in my body. I want to soak up all the projected feels that will accompany that moment and focus on that as I get closer to that deadline.
I will say, this morning I had a doctor appointment for extreme heartburn that I’ve been experiencing for months now. In actuality, I have had this heartburn for about a decade but this is the first time I’ve been able to really do something about it. So, I went in and unfortunately had to get on the scale. I was also unfortunately bloated for other reasons so it was all together not the experience I had hoped for. However, I did not let it have an impact on this experiment. I saw the number and let it go. I’m not trying to analyze numbers, I’m trying to focus on the way I feel. Perhaps that’s why I felt it necessary to take the extra step and go to the doctor. I’ve been really listening to myself and realized I was miserable and that my chest had been hurting and wow – I had been coughing! How long has this gone on? I know I’ve had heartburn for a while but I’ve just been ignoring it. Why? Why would I want to breathe fire? Listening to my body put a different perspective on not only feeling heavy but things internal like this burning. I found out I have acid reflux and will be taking a prescription. Why did it take so long for me to listen?
For the remaining two weeks, I will be focusing on this new image. I have begun really feeling my body more, even my stomach of which I didn’t want to touch. I sort of see it like a flower. If you ignore the flower, it dies quicker. If I ignore my stomach, the more it will be like an entity and do whatever. I have been paying more attention to the way my stomach feels and tried to appreciate the subtle curves. I already like the way my sides feel and my back continues to slim down. I feel like my stomach is getting smaller. For some reason, it doesn’t feel the way I used to believe that it felt, as in this big mass. I feel like I’m getting smaller.
Only time will tell but I must say I am enjoying the feeling I have cultivated without the negative thoughts I had been harboring.
Queen Meranda 